So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
