SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
