Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
