Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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