dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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