but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
