i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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