shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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