she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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