Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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