i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
