I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
