I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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