I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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