one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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