i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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