I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
