And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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