I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
