Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
