Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was born a porn star she said
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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