just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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