ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
