I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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