The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
