He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
