New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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