Cold hands, warm shart.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
