Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
