Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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