...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
