i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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