Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
