Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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