Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
