Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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