I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
