I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
