he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
