She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
