sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
