she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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