sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
