My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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