Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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