good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
