You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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