Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
