i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
