I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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