Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
