wakey wakey hands off snakey
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
