y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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