Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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