when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
