For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
