Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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