a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
