..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
