My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
