He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
