i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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