it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need help removing her.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
NoShamevember. You game?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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