How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
