I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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