I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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