It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
