discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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