marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
