That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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